Tobi's Mission
by mountain ash
Summary: Tobi is unintentionally wreaking havoc in the Akatsuki headquarters- running with scissors is never a good idea. In an effort to get Tobi to leave for awhile, Tobi is given a mission to 'go gather some intelligence on Konoha.'


**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

Tobi was bored.

He couldn't glomp onto Deidara-sempai and make a nuisance of himself. Yesterday, Konan had told him not to run with scissors, but when he had asked her why, she had just given a long-suffering sigh. But Tobi really wanted to know! So _of course_ he went and found a pair of scissors and took off down a random hallway.

It wasn't _his_ fault Deidara-sempai had been experimenting with his explosive clay in that very deserted hallway! (Come to think of it, that might have been _why_ it was deserted.) So the resulting 1000 degree fireball wasn't really his fault either! But when he tried to tell this to Deidara-sempai while Sasori no Danna applied burn salve to the bed-ridden bomber, it hadn't turned out so well.

He couldn't glomp onto Mr. Zetsu, either. The afore-mentioned fireball devastated his personal garden before it was put out, so Mr. Zetsu was still busy trying to salvage what he could.

Oddly enough, everyone else on the Akatsuki base was avoiding him. You'd almost think they were mad at him.

Tobi, however, was not one of those people who just lay around moaning about how bored they are. No, Tobi went off to find Pein-sama and ask for a mission.

He didn't know why, but when he found Pein-sama, he tried to get _away_ from Tobi, even though Tobi had yelled out to him and said he wanted to ask him something. Tobi had to run as fast as he could to catch up to him.

Pein looked around desperately. He was cornered and knew it. How could he make this problem go away?

"Leader-sama! Can Tobi _please_ have a mission? Tobi is so bored!"

Tobi wanted a mission? Okay, he'd just give him something that would get him off base for a while. Something that Tobi was sure to fail at though, so he'd come back before too long. Meaning before he could embarrass the Akatsuki _too_ much.

"Tobi, I want you to go do some surveillance on Konoha! Come back in a few days with as much information as possible!"

"Yes sir!" Cried Tobi as he dashed off.

Pein let out a sigh of relief.

* * *

Tobi had a mission! Even better, it was a solo mission! Pein-sama must really trust him to give him a solo mission. Oh boy! He'd have to try real hard and gather as much information as possible to impress everyone. Maybe if he did _really_ well Deidara-sempai would stop shooting him venomous glares every time he tried to apologize for the fireball incident!

Now, which direction was Konoha in?

* * *

Against all odds, Tobi did indeed make it to Konoha without any major incidents.

Now, at this point, other members of the Akatsuki would have gotten a disguise together and mentally prepared to infiltrate the ninja village.

Not Tobi. Tobi just waltzed right in. It didn't even occur to him until he was inside the village itself that while the night-shadows lent him cover now, it wouldn't be that way forever. He needed a place to hole up for a while until he had some form of a plan.

But before he even started looking for a promising little nook or cranny, a group of Konoha ninja passed him. They were headed in the direction of a ramen stand. Perhaps he should follow them and listen in on their conversation.

Oh, surveillance was so fun! But he had to do it right, or else everyone else would be even more upset at him. He'd need to take notes on what he heard so he wouldn't forget it all later.

Sticking to the shadows, Tobi followed the group into the ramen shop and sat in a shadowy corner, close enough to hear the conversation but far enough away not to easily be noticed. He pulled out some paper and ink and set them down on the table in front of him.

A boy with reddish triangles on his cheeks turned to one who looked…like a mini Itachi. Could this be Itachi's little brother, Sasuke?

"Sasuke, I say it again, if you don't want people to think you're emo, stop looking like one."

"I refuse to change to please other people."

"What he means is, I am emo but won't admit it."

Tobi dutifully began taking notes.

_1. Itachi's little brother is emo_

He nodded to himself.

"Lay off Sasuke-kun, Kiba!"

"Yeah, stop saying things like that. Sasuke-kun is much cooler than you and always will be!"

Two girls rounded on the boy with triangles on his cheeks like rabid dogs. One had pink hair hanging loose around her shoulders and the other had butter-blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail. Sasuke only had time to sigh before they were draped all over him.

"We don't think you're emo, Sasuke-kun."

"Yeah, you said you aren't, so you aren't!"

While the girls clinging to him imitated squawking parrots, the mini-Itachi ignored them completely in favor of gazing intensely at one of the other boy's back.

The boy in question stood out like a neon sign-blonde hair, orange clothes, even a bright expression. He was on his third bowl of ramen so far, and the group had only been there a few minutes.

Wait a second.

Hadn't Tobi seen that boy somewhere before? Not in real life-he surely would have remembered such a bright person-so maybe in a picture?

Realization dawned, and Tobi almost let loose a whoop of joy. It was the Jinchuriki! The Nine-Tailed Fox Jinchuriki! Oh, wait till he told everyone about this!

Okay, what information did he have so far? He glanced down at his notes.

_1. Itachi's little brother is emo_

Okay, he could safely add

_2. Itachi's little brother has a lot of fan girls, whom he ignores. _

_3. Itachi's little brother stares at the Jinchuriki. _

Tobi frowned a little, then erased the last one. It wasn't very informative. He needed to know _why_ Itachi's little brother was staring at the Jinchuriki. That had to be valuable information, right?

"Sasuke-kun, wanna train with me tomorrow?"

"Hey, Sasuke-kun, are you doing anything later tonight?"

Sasuke continued to stare at the Jinchuriki. The girls could have been plants to him for all the attention he paid them.

"Sasuke-kun…"

"Shh. I'm busy." Finally, the mini-Itachi spoke, but his eyes remained like moths draw to light on the overly bright Jinchuriki.

Yep, same deepish, cold, slow, vaguely disapproving voice. This was Itachi's little brother, no doubt about it. It was a good thing Tobi was on this mission; other Akatsuki members might have heartlessly focused only on strategic information. Tobi was bringing back much more interesting information! Itachi-san must miss his little brother. Surely he'd stop being mad at Tobi if Tobi brought him back some information about his little brother!

Or, even better, he could bring back pictures! Didn't Sasori no Danna say once that a picture was worth a thousand words? But if he left, he might miss something important!

Resolved to get a camera, Tobi turned his attention back to the boisterous group in the middle of the restaurant. However, it turned there wasn't much to eavesdrop. Someone had said something that had started a three-way glaring contest between mini-Itachi, a red head (Wasn't he also a Jinchuriki?) and a pale guy with grey eyes and long dark hair.

The contest went on for quite awhile.

And those glares were actually pretty scary.

Eventually Tobi decided he should just leave and get that camera. He wouldn't miss much with this contest underway.

Tobi leapt up from his back table to go purchase a camera. Surely a place as big as Konoha would have some place where he could buy a camera!

* * *

Amazingly enough, Tobi actually found a shop that would sell a camera to a kid in a mask and black clothes. (Tobi had shed his Akatsuki cloak, but not the rest of his attire. He even still had the ring on. Good thing no one had noticed yet.) He got a little lost on his return trip to the ramen shop, so by the time he stumbled back inside and collapsed at his table, torches and lanterns on the walls provided the most light.

In his absence, the Konoha ninja had achieved varying degrees of drunkenness. One of the only girls who hadn't been continuously hitting on mini-Itachi, a quiet think with short black hair, was now laughing much louder than she had talked while Tobi had been there as she and the boy with triangles on his cheeks tickled each other. The two were teetering on the edge of their stools like coins spinning on their sides.

Just like spinning coins, they were bound to fall on their side sometime.

The tumbled off their chair and into a boy with brown hair pulled back in a ponytail. Luckily, the boy was passed out and didn't awake upon landing on the ground.

But where were mini-Itachi and the Jinchuriki?

Tobi looked wildly around the room. He didn't really care about these other ninja-he had already snapped their pictures and none of them seemed to say anything of importance.

Wavering firelight added a ghostly hint to the restaurant. It finally hit Tobi that it was probably around midnight. It was so loud and there were so many people moving about-it was too confusing! There were just too many moving shadows too keep track off…there!

Just outside the restaurant door, something florescent orange was leaning against mini-Itachi. Tobi raced after them as they turned a corner and out of sight.

The Jinchuriki was half asleep on Sasuke's shoulder as they stumbled down the road out of Konoha's downtown. The little Uchiha smirked a bit as he guided the orange lump on his shoulder around potholes and puddles.

A large gate loomed ahead of the two young ninja and their hyper shadow. They had reached the Uchiha complex.

The gate was unlocked and slightly ajar. Sasuke and the Jinchuriki slipped through the opening and closed the door behind them. The Jinchuriki-what did Pein-sama say his name was?- looked like he was starting to wake up a little. At least he was starting to support more of his own weight. The two stumbled into one of the grey buildings, leaving Tobi standing in the shadows outside the gate.

Oh, Itachi-san would want to know about this!

Tobi slipped over the gate-it was really more for effect than for any real security- and hurried into the shadows around the building mini-Itachi had lead the Jinchuriki into. As he ran he pulled out his camera and turned it on.

The door was locked, but Tobi really hadn't expected it to be open. It was relatively simple to climb a tree and peer into the window.

He was looking in on a bedroom. Two figures were already asleep under the tangled sheets, snuggled up against each other. Oh, so cute! Tobi snapped a picture. Itachi-san would be so happy to know his little brother wasn't a completely friendless, revenge-crazed outcast!

The camera snapped a few more times before the shadow outside Sasuke's window took his leave and headed back to Konoha proper. He needed more than just information on those two, right? Oh, Pein-sama would be so happy that he let Tobi do this!

* * *

Everything was different at the Akatsuki base without Tobi around.

It was quieter. There were fewer avoidable accidents. It couldn't really be called peaceful-this _is _the Akatsuki we're talking about-but it was more peaceful than normal. In the back of their minds, perhaps the Akatsuki missed him a little. But they also knew that the second he got back they'd wish he'd spent a little longer on the foux mission Pein had given him.

It had been a few days, and while no one had spoken of it, everyone agreed that this would probably be their last dinner without Tobi. Everyone was intent on savoring it. Normally there might have been bickering, random explosions, death threats, violence via marionette, and many weapons besides knives at the table, but by silent consensus tonight they acted like adults tonight before the child arrived.

Suddenly, the door to the dinning room was thrown open like a cannon shot. A shudder of shared dread rippled through the assembled members.

"Tobi's back! Tobi was a good boy and got information just like Pein-sama asked!"

Nine mouths dropped.

It took him a few tries, but Pein eventually got the words out. "You mean you got into Konoha?"

"Yep! And Tobi was a good boy and took notes and pictures!"

Pein took a few seconds to process this, then gestured for Tobi to sit down and share what he found.

"How did you get it?"

"Through the gate, of course!"

"_You mean you just walked right in?_" Nine voices at once all but shouted.

"Yep!"

The Akatsuki was shocked. The idiot just walked right in? Without being caught or even spotted? Perhaps he wasn't as hopeless as he seemed!

Tobi reached into his back and pulled out a sheet of paper and several pictures and spread them out in front of him for everyone to see.

Tobi watched with pride as disbelief covered their faces. He didn't get it that it wasn't because they were impressed.

_1. Itachi's little brother is emo_

_2. Itachi's little brother has a lot of fan girls, whom he ignores_

_3. Itachi's little brother sleeps with the Jinchuriki Naruto_

_4. The Hokage, Tsunade, is an alcoholic_

_5. There is a lot of litter that doesn't make it into trash cans, despite the fact that those cans are everywhere and there are signs everywhere telling you NOT to just dump your trash anywhere_

_6. Some of the gate guards like to play monopoly when they're on duty_

_7. Water is wet_

_8. The clock in the Konoha Ninja Academy is three minutes slow_

_9. Itachi's little brother needs a change in hairstyle_

_10. Itachi is not well-liked in Konoha right now_

_11. Kunoichi are scary_

_13. Konoha Ninja Academy locker rooms don't smell so great_

_14. Konoha ramen is good_

The pictures really weren't much better. There were several of young drunk ninja, one of a drunk Tsunade surrounded by paperwork, a few of Sasuke and Naruto snuggling, a lot of smiling kids with ice cream, two or three of what was apparently the Konoha Ninja Academy clock, one of monopoly instructions, a few misshots where Tobi's thumb covered most of the picture, and one of a bird.

"Tobi was a good boy!"

Slowly, the entire table turned to glare at him as one. Tobi shrank back a little.

"What did Tobi do wrong this time?"

**A/N: So, I want your guy's opinion on something. **

**I originally came up with the idea for this story as the first story in a series of unrelated one shot/drabbles revolving around the Akatsuki. You've probably seen stories like that-stories that are a bunch of non-related stories that revolve around one person or romantic paring or group of people. But, this is long enough to be a separate one-shot. **

**So-do you want this to be a separate one-shot, or do you want me to continue to update THIS and put all random Akatsuki one-shots here? At the moment I'm leaning towards the later, and will categorize it as such.**

**Please tell me what you want!**


End file.
